Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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