There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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