There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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