She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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