So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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