I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
