I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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