I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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