Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
