I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Hippo gnu deer
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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