YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
