3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
They have beer where we have blood.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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