Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Randomize
