why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
