shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
