i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Randomize
