I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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