i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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