On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
