Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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