this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
