i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
