I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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