I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
