cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Randomize
