new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Life without a bra equals bliss.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
