I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
