I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
