My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Randomize
