My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
