if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
