your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
The feeling are messing with the penis
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
