No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Randomize
