Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
