You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
