Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
There's a naked man in my car right now.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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