addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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