Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
The air was thick with penises
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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