batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
