guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
