non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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