I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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