I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
