hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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