i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
