Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
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