I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
