im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
