did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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