I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
