Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
