she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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