i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
