Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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