does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
