Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
