He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
