Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
