am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
