At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
