How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Randomize
