i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
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