just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
