Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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