i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
