Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
