We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
