he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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